He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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