Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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