she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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