I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
