Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
