worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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