I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
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Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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