That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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