I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Randomize
