i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
