i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
