My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
