Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
