I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
