Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
