He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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