So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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