thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
