Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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