Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
