This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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