giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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