PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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