I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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