So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
