I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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