Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
