What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
