U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my shit smells like andre
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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