nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
