yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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