Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
