I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
