Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
