This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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