Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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