I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I could make wine with my vomit
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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