JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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