i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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