I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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