i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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