I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I want her autograph on my taint
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
