come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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