so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
