Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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