I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
