I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
