just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
