So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
