There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
