The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
