i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
