Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
