i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Someone signed my nipple.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
