fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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