the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
