i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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