I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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