College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
