Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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