after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
