that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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