I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
