4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in