dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
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Man, jail baloney is awful.
where are you?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
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She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.