we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
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Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest