Texts From Last Night

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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career

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  (416): Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career http://tfl.nu/ywum
  Replies (5) Good night (2727) Bad night (1063)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.

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  (815): It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing. http://tfl.nu/i0rl
  Replies (20) Good night (8292) Bad night (1012)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule

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  (250): And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule http://tfl.nu/gp5a
  Replies (8) Good night (3539) Bad night (750)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.

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  (610): i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome. http://tfl.nu/xt3h
  Replies (8) Good night (2701) Bad night (806)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.

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  (313): Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose. http://tfl.nu/p7by
  Replies (14) Good night (2812) Bad night (1014)
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  (805): View more from California

  there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you

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  (805): there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you http://tfl.nu/cq33
  Replies (7) Good night (753) Bad night (2670)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country

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  (443): i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country http://tfl.nu/m3r6
  Replies (7) Good night (2183) Bad night (556)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.

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  (504): If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life. http://tfl.nu/0spe
  Replies (9) Good night (2118) Bad night (987)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."

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  (606): I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening." http://tfl.nu/f5c0
  Replies (3) Good night (1431) Bad night (468)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it

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  (201): I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it http://tfl.nu/orze
  Replies (7) Good night (1135) Bad night (838)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.

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  (515): It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them. http://tfl.nu/9jno
  Replies (6) Good night (1166) Bad night (375)
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  (916): View more from California

  Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.

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  (916): Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities. http://tfl.nu/3rzs
  Replies (4) Good night (1395) Bad night (411)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.

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  (270): I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him. http://tfl.nu/jwhd
  Replies (1) Good night (1006) Bad night (413)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.

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  (+44): I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home. http://tfl.nu/i339
  Replies (3) Good night (1174) Bad night (273)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  So many things can go wrong tonight.

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  (770): So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun? (404): So many things can go wrong tonight. http://tfl.nu/anjg
  Replies (3) Good night (1158) Bad night (281)

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