You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Dating After Heartbreak
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
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You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.