She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"