No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
