the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
