On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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