first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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