i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
