Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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