i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
