if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
