I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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