i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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