I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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