I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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