What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
this hospital has no fireball
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