Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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