So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
