if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
