Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
