the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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