she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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